May 24, 2003

Dear Diary,

Giles gave me this book so I could write about all the stuff that's happening.  I think he thinks it will help me deal with suppressed emotional trauma or some such. Not that he said it that way.  I mean he's not suddenly channeling Oprah or anything.  He just handed it to me and said, "I saw this in the motel gift shop and remembered that you enjoyed keeping a journal when you were younger.  This might be a good time to start again."

So, dear Diary, here's what has happened so far: Sunnydale's toast.  So is Spike.  Anya didn't make it.  Andrew did.

Figure that one out.

I'm not sure yet how I feel about Spike after what he tried to do to Buffy.  I never really understood what was going on between them.  I don't see how he could have been so nice to me and then tried to rape my sister.

Buffy won't talk about him at all.  When someone mentions him she just says, "Spike sacrificed himself to save us," and then starts talking about something else.

At least she can say his name.  That's more than Xander will do with Anya.  I really miss her and I guess Xander does, too.  Although he just walks away when anyone mentions her name.

Everything has been so crazy, I don't even know the name of the town we're in.  I do know we've been in this motel for 4 days, 6 hours and 32 minutes.  Not that I'm keeping track or anything.

It still feels like everything that happened was some kind of bad dream.  After Sunnydale fell into the gigantic sinkhole, (Yeah, that's what those morons on TV and at the newspapers are calling it) we were on our way to take Mr. Wood and everyone else who was hurt to a hospital when the bus broke down.  We were lucky that the hospital wasn't very far away since we had to carry the people who were hurt.  Then we walked forever, ok so maybe it was only about a mile and a half, until we found a motel.  Everyone checked in and then I took a shower and slept for about 3 days.  I didn't even mind sharing a room with Buffy.  At least it was only two of us in the shower.

I woke up one time and she was gone and I got kind of scared.  Then I heard her in the next room talking to Giles.  I couldn't hear what they were saying, but she was there a long time.  When she came back she was carrying this silly toy pig (and I never understood why everyone thinks she's so tough when she always slept with a stuffed toy, I mean I don't do that.  Now.)

Anyway, I could tell she'd been crying.  I was just about to go punch Giles in the nose (even if he had somehow found her a Mr. Gordo II) when I noticed that she didn't seem sad.  I mean, I know that this doesn't make sense, but it seemed that even though she might be sad, she wasn't unhappy.  She's been so not-Buffy for so long it's hard to describe how she looked.  Peaceful, maybe?  Yeah, I think that's it.  She looked peaceful.

Since no one ever tells me anything I didn't bother to ask what was going on.  But at dinner that night Buffy actually ate instead of just pushing the food around on her plate like she's been doing for the past year.  I think Giles must be feeling better, too, because he smiled a lot and didn't threaten to kill Andrew when he called him Yoda.

Sometime or other Giles called the witches over in England and told them all about the spell Willow did and about Spike and the amulet.  They didn't know anything about either one but promised to see what they could find out.

The witches told Giles that the Watchers are being put back together by Lord Percy Something-Something.  (Wonder what his mom had against him to name him that?  Ugh!)  Anyway, he's trying to find all the new slayers so he can match them up with watchers.

When Giles told Buffy she went all psycho.  I don't know for sure everything they said.  (Why does everyone always complain about how thin motel walls are? You have to press your ear right up against them to hear anything.)  But Buffy yelled about Giles being the only watcher she would ever trust and that no way was she turning her slayers over to some Quentin clone named Percy.

I guess Giles was finally able to calm her down and convince her that Percy's an okay guy - in spite of the name.  (He talks a lot softer than Buffy so I'm not exactly positive of all the details.)  Something about her helping the Council to "get it right" and her "keeping an open mind" about the CoW.  I'm not sure how open her mind is but she did finally agree to listen to what Percy has to say.

But she's taking a sword with her.

More later.

PS.  We just finished lunch (hotel food sucks) and Xander said that he and Giles are going to go fix the bus now.  Maybe I'll go watch.  I think its cute when Xander's all manly...