| KITCHEN
KATASTROPHY! |
 Edna (left) shown with long time friend, Sandra Charter at the PTA's
fall bake sale. Mrs. Charter said that "Edna's brownies
alone probably financed the band uniforms."
Active in various charities and civic affairs, Mrs. Thomason provided cakes, cookies and candies at numerous charity events. She was also a familiar figure at the local elementary school where every Wednesday she gave away cupcakes to the children. "I liked the strawberry ones best," said second-grade student Timothy Martin.
Mrs. Thomason loved music and recently performed in a local production of "The Mikado". Aside from being an accomplished cook, she also had a deep appreciation for flowers and enjoyed traveling, including many trips to California, where she spent several summers as a child.
She is survived by her husband, Joe Thomason; three children; Suzanne Fischer, Marianne McCartney and Joe Thomason Jr., and eight grandchildren.
Arrangements are incomplete at this time, but a condolence book will be available at the "The Cook Shop" on Main Street.
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| Local
Cook Found Dead: Cupcakes the Culprit? |
Edna Thomason, life-long resident of Whispering Pines, died Tuesday at her home.
According to police, she was discovered by her husband, Joe Thomason, when he returned home after work with 10 pounds of sugar, 5 pounds of flour, 3 dozen eggs, a gallon of milk and two Lean Cuisine frozen dinners.
Thomason said the last time he spoke to his wife was just after lunch and that she had asked him to pick up the items to make cakes for an upcoming bake sale for the family of Bob Halprin, an employee of Pershing Daisies who has been missing for several weeks.
"Edna always said, 'There's nothing wrong with the world that can't be cured with chocolate chip cookies and a smile,'" her husband commented. "I don't think there are enough chocolate chips in the world to fix this."
While refusing to release any specific details, policemen on the scene described the incident as
"gruesome, sickening," and "not very nice."
"I bet those (expletive deleted) kids she was always baking for had something to do with it," commented neighbor Fay Simpson. "Yesterday afternoon while I was sitting by my front window with my binoculars, I saw two of them go into the house and then come out later. But I never saw Edna again. I just know that they're the ones who shoved her into the oven and cooked her."
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 Joe Thomason,
a local postal carrier shown in uniform on a happier day, found his wife dead in a freak
cooking accident Tuesday.
There were additional reports from others in the neighborhood that about the same time a sinister looking pink sedan was seen cruising the streets. "The minute I spotted that car I knew that those people were up to no good," said local judge Kermit Mason. "One look and I could tell they were troublemakers."
When pressed for a description of the people in the vehicle, the Judge said it was a tall, muscular-looking woman and a skinny blond boy. "Put them in a line-up and I'll be able to identify them."
Unidentified police sources are dismissing these reports as unfounded. "These kind of kooks always come out of the woodwork when something happens. Hell, Mrs. Simpson, thinks she understands the
myth arc on The X-Files. You just can't get any more loony than that. And Judge Mason, well after he has a few, he usually sees pink elephants - if you know what I mean."
While authorities are refusing to speculate on the exact cause of death, according to Police Detective Joseph Beasley, foul play is not suspected. "We think it was just one of those bad kitchen accidents you always hear so much about. Most people don't realize just how treacherous your major appliances can be." |
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FROM THE POLICE BLOTTER
Professor Suspected
The University History Department confirmed today
that they are investigating allegations that professor Glenda S.
Gilchrist plagiarized
her recent work on Ancient Babylon. "We've had
reports," said Professor Myrna Bryant, "which we are investigating
carefully. I wish to emphasize that at this time
we have no specific evidence against Ms. Gilchrist, and until these
charges are proven, Ms. Gilchrist will continue to teach and fulfill her duties to the University and the students."
Professor Bryant also confirmed that the University asked the
British Museum to review Ms. Gilchrist's latest papers and offer
commentary. "We understand that the Museum has
contacted one of the leading authorities in this field on our
behalf. We look forward to receiving their report and settling this
matter once and for all."
Vandalism at Local Sawmill
Officials of the Scobie Timber Company reported several acts of vandalism over the weekend. Donna Jensen, spokesperson for the company, reported that the tires on several forklifts and logging trucks were slashed. In addition, equipment sheds were broken into and tools stolen. Total damages are estimated at approximately $7,000.
Ms. Jensen noted, "It is horrible to see this happen in a quiet town like Whispering Pines. We have never had special security at STC, and have always felt
our corporation to be a major part of our community. I am saddened that this would happen here."
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