December 20, 2002
I, Anya Emmanuella Christina Jenkins, being of sound mind and body
and in no way, shape or form a demon of any kind, do hereby declare
this to be my last Will and Testament.
I appoint Mr. Rupert Giles, of Bath, England as the Executor of
my estate and holdings. The way I see it, he’s the only one
with enough sense to not spend all the money in a frivolous and
To Rupert Giles, of Bath, England, I leave any remaining shares
of the Magic Box, of which he was a not so silent partner. Since
the Magic Box was destroyed by Willow’s temper tantrum last
year, I leave Giles any remaining insurance money that has not been
invested in the rebuilding of the store.
I also leave Giles any of my possessions that survive the most
recent apocalypse, what ever it was, to be distributed as he sees
fit. Except for my money, I’ve decided who should have my
To Rupert Giles, I leave the contents of the bank account at the
Grand Cayman Island Bank, account #69875421. I made this money day
trading on the internet, buying and selling stocks in companies that
made little plastic keys for computer keyboards and things like
that. Giles may use the money however he sees fit, with the condition
that he uses the money to visit Sunnydale at least twice a year.
If Sunnydale no longer exists, then Giles needs to go wherever it
is that Xander and the others are. Xander missed him a lot when
he didn’t visit, and it’s obvious that the rest of them
need serious guidance.
To Buffy Summers, Dawn Summers and Willow Rosenberg, I leave the
contents of my Swiss bank account. The account is through the National
Bank of Switzerland, account #540004597854, because I don’t
trust that shifty man at Sunnydale National Bank. He turned down
Buffy even after she saved him from the M’Fashnik demon.
The money will be split between them in the following manner:
Buffy Summers gets 40% because she saves the world all the time,
and really shouldn’t have to work at a burger place just to
make a living.
Dawn Summers also gets 40% because despite the fact she used to
be a big ball of green energy, she’s a nice girl and needs
pretty things. Besides, maybe now she won’t shoplift from
innocent business owners just trying to make a living.
As for Willow Rosenberg, she only gets 20%. She could’ve
had more, but she destroyed the Magic Box and I had to use some
of the money to pay bills. So, I took it out of her share.
The money should be overseen by Giles, because it’s obvious
that neither Buffy, Dawn or Willow have any money sense between
them. Just look at the whole fiasco with the bills last year.
To Alexander Harris, I leave the pension that my former boss, D’Hoffryn
gave me upon becoming a demon that would be distributed upon my
death or retirement. Since I didn’t actually retire, but was
forced into mortal form by the alternate universe Giles, D’Hoffryn
wouldn’t pay out the pension until I died. The pension consists
of several contracts for peoples soul’s (very lucrative if
sold back to the owner) , several ancient artifacts and charms useful
for calling upon various kinds of demons.
However, knowing D’Hoffryn, he won’t want to give these
to a mortal, so tell him you’ll take cash instead. Tell him
you won’t take less than $100,000. It’s only worth $65,000
but I’m pretty sure he doesn’t know that. Xander, make
sure you have Giles do all the talking otherwise you’re sure
to say something stupid and end up as a lizard or something.
Rosenberg should be able to easily perform the chant to call D’Hoffryn,
but remember, no one but Giles should do any talking.
To be split equally between Giles, Buffy, Dawn, Xander and Willow,
are the contents of a safety deposit box in the Bank of America
in Los Angeles, California. Don’t ask where the cash came
from. It’s better that you don’t know.
According to my lawyer, I’m supposed to tell you that Giles
should pay any medical bills and taxes that are due upon my death.
Personally, I don’t see why the government should get any
of my money, but the lawyer says it’s a law. It’s a
stupid law if you ask me.